Hi, friends! Long time, no talk.

April was last you’ve heard from me. Crazy, right?! This six month, unintentional break was actually very much needed. Although, I do not feel pressured to explain my absence - for which I am very thankful to you my audience for - I would still love to share what has been going on. This space has always been more of a diary than anything, so for what it’s worth I’d like to keep this place updated for my own sake. With that said, I sure have missed this.

Disclosure : This post may contain affiliate links, meaning I make a commission if you decide to make a purchase through my links at no cost to you. This is made for full transparency.

In this blog post you will happily find…

+ Why the break began & my identity crisis.

+ Enjoy the summer filling with memories rather than mournings.

+ Plans moving forward & why I am so excited to have this “digital home”.

Let’s start at the beginning.

March 29, 2021 I received my first positive pregnancy test since our first miscarriage. The miscarriage that occurred on March 29, 2020. Yup. Even though I knew it would be too soon to test, I knew that if God wanted me to know about this baby, He would make it known on that special day. Sure enough, at only 3 weeks pregnant, I found out we were once again expecting.

Writing & filling my heart with words to cope with infertility & helping others in their journey gave me somewhat of an identity crisis when it came to this blog & my instagram. I felt undeserving to share my struggles, heart broken for those yet to experience those two pink lines & lost in what I was even using this space for anymore. I just needed time to navigate where things were going while simultaneously trying to find happiness during a time I long prayed for.

I couldn’t write here because the guilt over took me. The guilt of having an answered prayer that I couldn’t even find joy in. I know this sounds ungrateful, but pregnancy after loss is a topic deserving of its own post. I share about this second pregnancy that also ended in miscarriage in a later post here.

Long story short, finding out I was pregnant was an incredible miracle, but also gave me a loss of identity as someone who has spent the last six years letting infertility define me. From there, it was a sequence of disappointments followed by celebrating the blessings we were given. It was a summer of navigating & learning to be me again, just a newer unknown version.

The Summer was spent learning where to go from here.

May 17, 2021 our miscarriage finalized & we were able to begin the healing process. Coming here to write seemed all too soon, so instead I filled my Notes app with stories & thoughts. Planning to one day maybe share the vulnerability I felt during those 10 weeks with our baby. During this time away from here, I joined the Y, went on numerous camping trips, focused on the strength I had & got even stronger. In addition, after only one month of healing, jumped right back into the TTC (trying to conceive) world. A world I thought I finally escaped from.

The disappointment was all consuming. I knew that pregnancy is not the cure for infertility & loss. I needed to take this time to get stronger physically, mentally & emotionally to prepare for what we prayed so hard for again. If the Lord allowed us to get pregnant again, I needed to be able to have faith rather than fear. I share more in my second miscarriage story blog post about the feelings that consumed me. A perspective I will carry with me forever as my heart will break for so many other women that will walk the same journey. Unfortunately.

This summer was dedicated to strength.

Knowing where to go from here so that I can always be — here.

This incredible workshop & digital home is one of my biggest blessings. The ability & freedom to write in a space that is completely my own is something I am so grateful for. Although I am disappointed in myself for not using it to its full potential the past few months, I am excited for what I have learned. I think I needed this time to learn how to navigate this space so it stayed truly my own.

I will forever write about our journey to family & my journey in motherhood. I will forever write about making our home peaceful & filled with intention. I will forever have a desire to share & connect with community. Moving forward, I will work hard to no long single out my identity because frankly I am all of it. I am a grieving & celebrating mother. I am a decorator & homemaker. I am a daughter of the Kind & a servant of the Lord that is called to create community. I truly believe this is the place God has for me & writing here clearly fills my soul.

Moving forward I will not change much as far as my writing. However, I will change how I view myself & my purpose. That way I can always bring my full potential & continue sharing my experiences to help others & to learn from others as well.

I lost myself, strengthen myself & am now challenging myself.

From a complete identity crisis to becoming stronger than ever before, I am honestly so excited to see what potential this space can reach. There is so much to share & learn from motherhood to homemaking that I couldn’t imagine not having an outlet such as this blog.

I am eternally grateful for all you friends & loved ones who have supported me, asked how I have been the last few months, showed interest in this blog & encouraged me to keep going. I love it here so much & I pray that you do as well.