I Found Me in a Book

I bought a book the other day. An actual book that I want to read. Yes, I want to read. If I haven’t made it clear yet, than maybe this will do it for you. I DO NOT READ. That is why you will find so many errors & typos in my posts. That is why you will find that my vocabulary is not very prodigious (I googled that). I find that stories make my mind race & travel & I start to create my own endings. It just takes too much work, am I right? Well, I think I found the solution to my problem. The books that have been captivating my attention are self worth, follow your dreams, motivational kind of books. That is what sparked my interest on this particular one.

One word, if I could chose one word that would light me up like a firework on the fourth of July to describe my house, it would be the word “cozy”. I started this whole Our Blue Abode by creating an Instagram account to document our process of renovating this house. Interior design is something I am so passionate about, but have no education on. I am a self taught, Sims playing dreamer when it comes to decorating homes. Any time someone says “You need to come over & help me”, well you better watch it. Because I will. I will be there faster than you can finish that sentence! Anyways, I saw & followed so many others that made these types of accounts & they inspired me & encouraged me so much, that I could do that too! That my friends, is one of the biggest reasons I do this. Did I feel silly? ABSOFREAKINGLUTELY. How could all these women be so confident & post pictures of their house knowing we would fawn over them & immediately jump on Facebook Marketplace to deconstruct the same 1950’s wing back chair. For a long time I did not want to add my old friends from High School. I did not want them to see me pretend to decorate a home & put myself out there in a way that no one else or at least not many people in my little generation was doing. I made the leap & it has been so incredibly encouraging. Not only have I built relationships with new people from around the world, but I have been able to connect with old friends in a whole different way! Slowly but surely I am building my brand, building my account & my home to reflect what I want people to feel when seeing my photos.

In order for me to know what to do, I spent lots of time watching others. I watched so much that I started to feel the need to do their things. I couldn’t keep up. I don’t have all the money in the world. I cannot keep my house clean to save my life. How on earth am I supposed to paint all my kitchen cabinets, buy 8 new rugs, convince my husband to add 352 new nail holes in the wall all to post 1 more pictures on my feed?! I work full time, I am messy, I am broke!!! It came to a point that I had to stop. I needed to just take a step back & remember this is my account for my home. Meaning my time & my money. (Let’s be honest, Luke’s money, love him!) I came to the realization that I am on no ones level but my own. It took a while to make the leap of creating this thing in the first place, why throw it away or start resenting it all because I wanted it to be something it is not, something I am not. Wow. What a relief it was to realize this.

My love for Our Blue Abode is deeper than I thought it could be. It is such a great avenue for me to get creative & put time towards my imagination. As a creative working a desk job, the most fun I have is color coordinating my excel spreadsheets. Yup. So having this outlet when I get home, even if I only get to it for 2 hours a week, it is still something that I get to grow. If I could give any advice for other ladies that are even in the slightest like me. Anyone who wants to take the leap of doing something on their own or putting a creative outlet out there whether it is through a blog, Instagram, Facebook, or whatever. Do it! How fun it has been owning this. It took me a very long time to do just that, so push through, & let me support you!

Why is it that I felt silly putting my blog & account out there? I felt like I needed to belittle this dream of mine because it didn’t match everyone else’s. A big thing that always stuck in the back of my mind that really held me back were the negative connotations that social media holds. No, I do not want to be “famous”. Yes, I know some things are my business & no one else’s. Why spend so much time on my phone or computer… There are so many bad things to say about social media, but you know the things you don’t get to hear? The good. Social Media, like it or not, is today & the future. These platforms is what people go to for almost everything. I use social media to learn, to grow my skills & bank of abilities in decorating. I have found so much inspiration & help in my spiritual walk with Jesus by scrolling through Pinterest. Sometimes, when I feel so alone & lost in the world of infertility, reading support forums of others from Connecticut going through the same thing as me fills me with hope. There is so much good.

Wow this rant. This isn’t even about what I was going to write about. I should probably go back & rewrite the beginning of this post, but I won’t. I want this to be as real & authentic as possible & that includes squirrel brain. Next time I will talk about the book, keep you on your toes! I guess where I want to go with this, to sum it all up, we all have dreams. Your dream might be big & seemingly unreachable. But without taking a step each day, it will be just that. Unreachable. Instead, just take the leap & see where it goes! It could be an amazing thing. I might be the only one reading my posts & my blog. Actually, I don’t even read them, I just write them, hence the many errors. However, I have sparked such a desire to create & write & I am riding that train as long as I can because I truly have a passion for this. It all started with me nervously posting a picture of our new house in hopes people wouldn’t think I was weird. Now I am 97.85% okay with seeming weird, because maybe I can help someone with my word vomit. Now I have way too much to say! I will work on the remaining percentage (not going to do the math) of being more confident. Like I said, one step each day.